His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
