Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
