someone get that fucking seahorse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
