Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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