Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
