I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
