let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she peed on how many people?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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