dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
