So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
