You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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