I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am spending my child support on dildos
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
