He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
