my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
