Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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