If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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