I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
