I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize