I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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