The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
