I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
