GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
