Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
