Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
