To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
