Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize