morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
