My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
