she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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