I think my vagina is haunted
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
