it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I did not marry a roomba.
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