Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
