So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize