Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
