that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
