brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
