i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
