you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
