when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
