At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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