Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
