I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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