cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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