Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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