do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im part way to drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
