the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it penis luge time yet?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
