I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize