I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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