My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I would ride that face into the sunset
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
