I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
