Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i have two assholes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
