if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
