I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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