Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We have so much sex to catch up on
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
