dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
