Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
