So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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