his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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