Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
