Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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