Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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