Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
