I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
