a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
