Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think my vagina is haunted
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
