the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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