he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
