I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
