I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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