he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
