if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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