there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
