it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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