he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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