I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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