I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
