Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
