Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
