I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Houston, we have a blender
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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