if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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