Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
