You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
