So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
