I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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