If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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