i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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