We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cannot find my penis.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
