I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
