Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
