i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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