At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
