But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
