I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize