just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
