I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
