I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Houston, we have a blender
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
