you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
