Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
