I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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